Seeing Resilience In Own Home

Damita JQ                                                                                                              May 2018

When I think of a resilient person (besides myself), I do not have to look any further than my home.  My husband, Bruce, is incredibly resilient.  He is resilient in nature, but he doesn’t talk about it or leave the house talking tough.  He keeps a good spirit as he goes to work every week.

I did not meet my husband until 2012.  We were middle-aged people who still felt open to love.  I was unsure if true love would find a path to my door at this stage in my life.  When I met my husband, he stated that he was open to love, a relationship, and commitment.

When I met him, he was so happy and had a constant smile on his face.  I looked at this man and decided that he probably did not have a care in the world.  He had been at his job for over 15 years.  He had a supportive, loving family.  He went to at least eight concerts a year – sometimes by himself.  Often times, he bought a second ticket, telling me that this was in case he met someone down the road.  He was also part of a baseball group at work which attended the Nationals’ Baseball Games at Nat Park. 

He was deeply involved with his family, who lived out of state.  He spoke with them throughout the month.  He found the time to visit his mother and siblings, one or more times each year for holidays and get-togethers.  He had a few male friends in Virginia, Washington, and New York.  I admired how he had been able to maintain contact with some friends for decades.  Over time, some of these relationships dissipated – maybe due to illness, separation, and more.  Bruce felt his friends were important, and tried to maintain a connection with them, even when some did not return a note or a card.  I admired that because I knew how hard it was for me to maintain ties with old friends once one of us moved on to a new area and a new life.  Remember, I mentioned that Bruce had a constant smile.  His smile did not tell me that he had walked through hell.  He had come back from the other side, and lived. 

Bruce had contracted Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 2007.  He fought it with all of his being and with Chemotherapy Treatments.  He was forced again into battle mode when he contracted cancer again in 2010.  When he was battling cancer his family, some friends, and co-workers provided support.  His siblings came down to help him.  That was wonderful.  However, he lived alone, and was left to battle the disease, primarily on his own.  For the most part, Bruce had to fight the battle on his own.  Fight he did – in the mornings, evenings and throughout his days.  He continued to fight, he said, even when his long-term relationship dissolved.  I feel sad that he went through this trauma alone despite the fact that his romantic relationship ending allowed for him to be open to a new love interest.

He kept working through these difficult times when he felt well or definitively sick from the Chemotherapy.  He would drive himself to these treatments.    He went to his other doctor appointments.  He remained hopeful and positive.   He continued living his life, despite the pain and the fears.  I am so happy to say that he is now in remission! 

I admire his fortitude and stamina.  I understand his fears because I battled Uterine Fibroids alone – even when I bled out at work sites or all over my bathroom floor and passed out.  When I look at Bruce, I see a man who fears hornets, who loves comics, who gets upset easily when driving, who loves his family, and cherishes life.  I also see a man who is loved and who loves dearly.  Finally, I see a man who is resilient and self-realized.  I know from his past that whatever comes his way, he will continue to strive to survive.  

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