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Death for someone so young


By Damita



     How do you cope with a foreseeable death and tragedy in someone else’s life?  My husband/partner has a friendship with a man that has lasted since they were teenagers.  This man lives in the Greater Northwest Area and has had multiple family tragedies – a pregnant wife dying before giving birth and other family members dying tragically.  A couple of days ago, this man called my husband to tell him about another tragedy. His young, adult daughter who has never married or had children, has terminal brain cancer.  Her doctor has reportedly given her three months left to live! 
My husband said that man (understandably) was in tears on and off throughout the conversation.  The daughter is already suffering, her body is breaking down, and she uses a wheelchair.  She got a second opinion from a different doctor to be sure of her fatal diagnosis.  She has moved back in with her father for care because she loses her balance easily so she uses a wheelchair.  She cannot hear in one ear.  Over time, she will sleep more and more until she is in a coma.  Despite these severe limitations, she is living her life to the best of her ability.  Unbelievable! 
My husband met the daughter when she was still a child.  He said he remembers talking with her years ago.  My husband’s friend suggested that he call his daughter.  My husband mentioned to me that he does not know exactly what to say.  This is all so sad, so tragically unfair, and so unbelievable, he feels.  I understand.  Death seems a far-off endeavor.  Tragedy whereby a young woman who has not self-actualized probably won’t live to see middle-age.  I have not met her, but I feel so bad for her and her loved ones. 
She needs some coping mechanisms.  I think that besides some type of medical care, she needs some sort of counseling to come to terms with her reality, time with loved ones, devices (art or music perhaps to take her mind off of her reality), and if she cares, time with a spiritual believer who can offer words of wisdom on her life. 

I got to thinking how life is a mystery – none of us know how long our lives will last and how it all ends.  Life is not all peaches and cream, but death is not expected for babies and other young people.  We should spend precious time worrying about it.  Many of us act like we’re going to be here forever – how else do you explain not working on some of our goals and living with little care?   

I feel sad for her predicament.  The dying woman’s circumstances reminds me of universal truths.  The first universal truth is that nothing is promised to us.  Sometimes you hear it, but don’t believe it.  Secondly, death awaits us all.  Finally, life is not fair.  Every human suffers, but the severity and degree can be indiscriminate.  It's a waste of time to go through life feeling down or morbid.  You realize these truths by honoring, as best you can, the time you have while you are alive.  I have yet to meet anyone who celebrates life every day, but an awareness of life’s preciousness and limits are beneficial to living in the 'here and now.' 

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